PURPLE. This was both our favourite colour. I remember when he wanted to buy a place in Hammersmith for Finchley. he wanted to decorate the place purple and white. I need this man back. God. Please. Give him that.
M***** is my life right now and I don't know who to tell or how to tell them. I keep dreaming about the moment that he would come back into my life. In one nightmare, he had a new girlfriend. I keep this pain locked up inside of me the man that I want to spend my life with is oblivious to how I feel about him. Does he love me? I will pay all the money in the world to have him back. He is my breath, my heart, my entire reason for living. The only reason I am still alive is because there is a fifty percent chance I can have him back, and he will be my husband. I must fight for him. I am fighting every day for him. With my feelings. Trying to go through the day without anyone noticing my pain. I have an urge to call and text M*****, but I have that fear of finding out that he has moved on. Reading through the old messages is like a ritual now. If I don't read them one day then I don't feel comfortable. I will do hanuman Chalisa 8 times. Hopefully that will get god to give me back my M*****. I can't stand the thought of him being with somebody else. He told me that he wouldn't have time for a girlfriend. I really hope that that is the case and he is not just saying that. Hopefully one day when he is back in London he will contact me. I want him to want to see me. I am really sounding psycho. I never knew I would ever get like this. I don't like it but this is how it is now. Until he is back in my life I will not be the same old me again.