Post 5

I am curious as to whether someone would be willing to fight for me. Not as in physically fight (as amazing as that would be) but to do what that can by breaking the rules just to spend 5 mins with me. Am I not worth that fight?

For some reason,  I just want to step away from my phone. I want to see who would notice. Who would try to get in touch and who would realise that I'm not around (my phone).

Would people worry? Would I be missed? I want to disappear to a different country and be  free but I would crave male loving attention.

I am suffering and I can feel myself crying on the inside.

Is it my religion? Am I being punished for not being religious? For eating meat, drinking and getting drunk? Should I quit? It's the only thing that makes me relax.

Where is my Hrithik? Where is my Tyrese?  Is fate real? How do I get this mistery man to fall in love with me? How do I find a man decent enough to ask my parents permission to take me out? I state at my phone all the time expecting some miracle to happen. 

I really feel it is the end of my life now. I need a sign to tell me if I should keep breathing or not. I have written so many suicide notes, suicide letters, and my own brother has seen it first hand. Dare I try again? 

I dare!

Will I wake up tomorrow? I probably will. In which case, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you still living to read all this back. I hope you are happy now!!