Post 11

I keep thinking a lot about how love was never in my destiny. I fall in love with people that don't love me and I keep getting hurt. I don't know what funny game god is playing with me by bringing these people into my life in the first place. I wish my future was a lot more clear. Who should I keep in my life? And who should I not? Who loves me? Who am I wasting my time with? Who is capable of loving me? Does love exist? I think I should let J** go. Let him have what he wants and then completely cut him out of my life.

I want the man I marry to be my best friend. Is that so much to ask? M***** is gone now. He was one of those 'ins and outs' that made me weaker.

I want thereto be a part of my life that I can look back on and say that I was genuinely  happy.

The end is near for me. Perhaps after new years, I shall end my journey! In January,  my life needs to change, or end. It's obvious that my life is not woth living .