I pray and look forward to the day when a man proposes to me. But I also feel like that day will never come. I feel like people look at me like an object. I am unable to hold my head up when I walk on the street. But then how can I attract a man without a confident stature? Do guys even like shy and naive girls as wives? I would love my life to be like a Bollywood movie; where a guy would look at me with such loving eyes. Eyes that look like he is so in love that he could cry. And he would die without him holding me close in his arms. Does that exist? Because I am dying without this man in my arms right now and I don't even know who he is.
I am literally dying. With these suicide attempts, I don't want to leave this world without at least meeting this man that I am destined to be with. Have I already met him? Am I dating him now? It he an ex?
From the amount of times I have won short sleeves, only G***** noticed my cuts. I don't even know how he saw the smaller ones as apposed to the large one. Would him knowing about my depression scare him off? Does he still like me?
Is all this catching up with me because I haven't cut myself in a while? I am suddenly obsessed with death. When my nan died, I wished it was me, not her. She deserved to live longer, and I don't even want to be around.